One Day I Will Win the Lottery

"If you don't play, you can't win". This is what I always tell myself as I stand in line at the bodega about five minutes from my apartment to get my $3 or $4 dollar lottery ticket for the Mega Millions (every Tuesday and Friday) or the Lotto (every Wednesday and Saturday). $90 million, $225 million, $300 million. These are life-changing sums of money. I will say that I do not want that much --- my treasured sum is $150,000 - $200,000. I pick this sum because it would 1) allow me to pay off all my debts - student loans, credit card, etc. 2) pursue my dreams of becoming a writer/filmmaker without being encumbered by the 5 figure circle of debt that weighs on me like a sack of bricks 3) accomplish things that I've always wanted to do but have never had the time or money i.e. make a photographic book that explores and discusses red light districts across the world, go deep sea diving, live in another country and learn another language.

Today, it was just announced that in Medford, Oregon the Chaney and West families are the winners of a $340 million dollar lottery, the second largest in history. What a blessing... or curse. I've heard of both happening when such a gargantuan amount of wealth suddenly propels one to the ranks of the top 5%. Life is no longer the same. Money is not an issue. Anything that can be bought can be yours. I remember watching a special this week (I can't remember which channel) on lottery winners. These men and women talked about the changes made in their lives with their sudden wealth. New homes, no financial worries, etc. But as the Diddy song goes More Money More Problems. These individuals also talked of being stalked, losing friends/family, having people beg all the time, people constantly trying to take advantage of them, and one man even had to hire a bodyguard to protect him after someone tried to kidnap him for a ransom.

I know first hand that I am not prepapred for the change that a million dollar lottery win would bring. I'd rather do like Oprah, earn that much money incrementally so I can grow and mature with the earnings. I know I have the capability for it, I just need a start --- which is where the $150,000-$200,000 sum comes into play. We've all heard the stories, of lottery winners who have suddently won large sums of money and in no time at all, are flat broke.

I believe that this idea of winning the lottery and quick fixes comes from the undeniable impact that American capitalism has on the psyche of its citizens. Its gotten to the point that you really do have to be rich or are privy to some sort of access in order to be well educated, have health insurance and reach the land of materialism, affording all the gadgets, clothes, and perks that a comfortable nest egg may allow you. America is supposedly the "land of opportunity"; a place where your "pedigree", race, gender, age, etc. are supposedly not impediments to success and wealth. It is precisely this myth that has destroyed more people than I care to know. Its this myth, this tiny iota of hope that so many hold on to. No, I don't want the millions but I do want to be able to pursue my dreams and be a productive member of society without worrying about how I am going to pay my student loans or my credit card bill. Its this insane debt that causes me (and I'm sure many others) to obsess over money and eventually wish for quick fixes. As my friend Crystal's boyfriend Francois states, "I'm tired of being broke". I'd like to take it a step further and say that I'm tired of finding that in America you literally have to have money to be afforded the basic rights any citizen should have, namely good health care and a good education.

I know the statistics. The chance of me winning the lottery is virtually miniscule yet I still have this feeling that tomorrow or the next day or Friday is my day. And I feel like this day is soon. I'm lucky, I don't have the exhorbitant debts that many do and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel but it sure would be nice if I looked at the www.nylottery.org wesbite and saw the following numbers...

"I have only one solution: to rise above this absurd drama that others have staged around me"----- Franz Fanon